Saying Goodbye
by CertifiedGeek
Summary: There was no "Goodbye" scene for Ivanova and Sheridan, so this is my take on it. Sheridan and Ivanova meet on a transport ship on their way to their new assignments. Written when the show was still on-air and found on a floppy disk my Mom had saved. Re-edited Sept 22nd 2014


"Communications."

John Sheridan looked in to the vid-screen and smiled pleasantly, "Has Captain Ivanova come aboard yet?"

"Yes, Mr President."

Sheridan nodded, "Where will I find her?"

The man in communications hesitated for a moment, "Mr President, Captain Ivanova has requested no visitors."

"The captain and I are old friends, Lieutenant, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I dropped by to say hello."

The lieutenant coughed nervously, "Sir, I'm afraid I can't give out information about Earth force officers to non- Earth Force people."

Sheridan continued to smile, "I understand the regulations, Lieutenant. Perhaps there is a ship directory which I could make use of?"

"Mr President, this is an Earth Force transport, we don't keep passenger manifests for general use."

"Fine," Sheridan answered dropping the smile for a fraction of a second, "Please put me through to Commander Jefferson, I'm sure he will be able to sort this out." He watched the young lieutenant flinch at the name of his commanding officer. Jefferson was busy with General Box setting up a rendezvous with the China Town.

"Sir..."

Sheridan relented, "Look, I'll tell you want, I'll give you a message to post in to the captain's mail. She can contact me that way."

"Sir, as you are a president I can not divulge your mail address or quarters to any personnel who have not been given special security clearance."

"This is ridiculous. Lieutenant, Captain Susan Ivanova and I have been friends for more than ten years, I think if either of us intended to harm the other we would have done it a long time ago. Now, are you going to tell me where to find the captain or am I going to have to search the guest quarters myself?"

The lieutenant gave in, "Captain Ivanova is currently in the observation booth next to the officers' mess."

"Thank you," Sheridan signed off and went to find his coat.

oOoOoOo

The observation booth was a small room with two chairs placed close to a window which looked out at the stars. Ivanova stood at the window staring out at the darkness vacantly, her mind elsewhere. When the door hissed open she did not turn but knew that the footfall was Sheridan's, she could sense his presence. The window reflected her face and she knew that the moment he looked across he would see the welling of her eyes.

It came in waves, she thought, the pain. It was the guilt she could not bear, the feeling that she had cheated death and lost one who was more deserving to live than she. The wound was still fresh, it burnt at the touch, in company she could keep up the wall, pretend to be coping, but alone lost amongst the stars his voice echoed around in her head. She was close to tears again, she had not wanted Sheridan to see her like this. It was pride, and a desire not to show weakness. But the moment she saw his face reflected in the same glass she knew that no matter how hard she tried the tears were going to fall.

Sheridan stepped closer, hands clasped behind his back, and followed her gaze that reached across galaxies. For a long while he said nothing, risked nothing more than a short glance at her face, and waited until she spoke to him. Soon they would be worlds apart again, she would be on the rim and he would be back on Babylon 5, for a few hours he could offer her his support, as a friend and colleague and then she would be alone again. He knew she would cope with command, he had left her with Babylon 5 before, but being alone, with no friends to turn to, and that would be hard. He looked across again and this time she met his gaze.

Her lips formed his name but produced no sound and the muscles in her face jumped in a spasm. She stepped forward suddenly and flooded eyes burst their banks almost silently. Sheridan held her gently feeling her body jerk involuntarily as she tried to control the emotion that could not be held back. Her tears dampened his thin cotton shirt and pulled at his heart painfully. She was a proud woman, strong and kind, but terrible at dealing with personal loss. He had never seen Ivanova in so much pain.

Slowly the tears subsided but she did not release him. He rubbed her back and upper arms gently until, much later, she drew a shaking breath and pulled away. She stared at the ground, wishing that it would swallow her whole, and worked hard to clear her choked throat. Sheridan breathed deeply and started to speak.

"I'm sorry Susan," he said quietly, "We did all we could but..."

She nodded, "I know," and looked out at the stars.

Sheridan appeared thoughtful, "The chosen ones, he said. 'No greater love hath a man than he lay down his life for his brother,'" he saw Ivanova's face frowning, "Something Mr Sebastian said."

There was a long pause before either of them spoke again. Ivanova regained some control of her voice and began speaking with a strange distance, as though she was looking in at herself from somewhere far away.

"Things should have been different. I was so fired up for the battle, so determined that we would win at any cost. I remember giving the captain of those ships a spiel about the last living thing he would see. All I could see was the battle, the need to win but knowing that if we failed, if the White Stars failed then we would all be dead. I saw the pieces of the shadow ship coming towards us...

"If I had thought, if I had given the order to change course, to break off the assault a fraction of a second earlier, none of it would have happened. Those rangers and Minbari would still be here, and Marcus would have been alive. But I kept on going, pushed us to the limits and everyone else paid the price."

She turned to Sheridan, her eyes demanding his trust and understanding, "Why John? I don't understand. Why did he do it? He should be alive, I should be dead. Why did he have to fall in love with me? Why didn't I show him that I cared? What made him do it?"

Sheridan stared for a moment, "I never realized you felt so much for him."

"No," she said softly and breaking the gaze, "I didn't either. Not until it was too late."

He moved to stand beside her, shoulder to shoulder by the window, and placed an arm of comfort around her, "Susan, I wish I could turn back time, to the moment when your ship was struck. But I can't, you can't, and no amount of wishing is going to make your pain any easier. You have to move on, do something with the time you have been given. I know it's hard, I know what it is to cheat death, but you have a reason to live. You've just got to figure out what that reason is."

She rested her head on his shoulder.

"How long before you ship out?"

"We rendezvous with the China Town in an hour, I'll be on Earth in a couple of days and get my commission a week later," she paused and looked up, "Medical leave."

"What will you do on Earth?"

There was a small smile, "Visit my father's grave. See Moscow again. Maybe I could track down some distant family. I'll find something to do."

Sheridan nodded, "Will you be all right?"

She considered the question for a time, "Yes. I'll be fine," she spoke firmly and Sheridan did not doubt her words.

"We've been through a lot together haven't we? The Mars riots, the Narn / Centauri crisis, the break for Earth..."

"The Shadows, more conflict," Ivanova agreed, "It must be over ten years now."

"I remember the first time I saw you," Sheridan smiled, "You were about twenty and had just been assigned to Io. You'd pulled the short straw being posted to Mars and you couldn't get used to the gravity change."

"I'd never been to Mars before," she answered, "I was in a rage about something and threw a baseball at someone only it went faster than I thought and almost ended up decapitating you."

"I'm going to miss you, Susan," Sheridan said simply, "You're the best executive officer I have ever had, and a damn good friend."

"Thank you," Ivanova smiled briefly, and paused, "I wouldn't have made it without your help. For starters Mr. Bester would have been space dust long ago."

"Now that may just have been the biggest mistake of my life. I should have let you blow up his ship, would have saved us a lot of trouble later on."

"Where do you go from here?" she asked, "Now you're a President you'll have a hundred and one things to do. Where will you be based?"

"On Babylon 5," he answered, "But I expect I'll be travelling a lot. Delenn will want to go home to see how things are on Minbar, there are promises to keep, and I have a feeling things aren't going to settle down quite yet. To be honest I feel like a crusader with no cause. I know that things are still rocky back home, but we've got what we wanted, a more peaceful Earth. I'm just not sure what to do next."

"Take a vacation. God knows you deserve one."

Sheridan smiled ruefully. "I don't think I'm that popular back home right now, I think the government would rather I stayed away for a little while, just until things settle down."

"So go to Mars, Minbar, go anywhere!"

"No. I want to meet B5's new commander. Captain Elizabeth Lochley. She's an… old friend… of mine." Sheridan paused, "Have you heard about Londo?"

"What about him?" Ivanova asked suspiciously.

"The Centauri have only gone and made him Emperor."

Ivanova's eyes widened, "May God save us all."

"Amen to that," Sheridan laughed quietly.

There was a cough from the doorway where a young lieutenant stood nervously trying to catch the President's attention.

"Excuse me, Mr President, I have a call on Gold Channel for you sir."

Sheridan acknowledged him with a slight wave of the hand, "Thank you, Lieutenant. I will be right along."

The young man nodded and had the presence of mind to step back outside the door.

"This will probably take a while, "Sheridan said apologetically.

Ivanova straightened herself to her full height and saluted neatly, "It has been a pleasure serving with you, sir."

"And with you Captain," Sheridan said returning her salute before embracing her one final time. "Good luck, Susan."

She hugged him tightly in return then stepped back and allowed him to walk away before whispering softly, "Goodbye, John."

She stayed a while, watching the stars in the dark sky embedding the image in her memory forever.

The Rim was waiting for her, and she had no better place to go.


End file.
